Okay, I have been waiting to write you as I knew that this doctor appointment would be somewhat important. To remind you, I went to a regular x-ray and took a picture of my hip and they said it is osteo-arthritis (which I never had before). Then I had my PET scan, which came back clean. I had an echocardiogram for this last appointment with Dr. Diaz. It shows my heart isn't functioning well. I had also had one last appointment with Dr. Trimble, my pain doctor from my broken back. So here goes.
I am officially in remission. There is nothing else that can be done for my treatment as my echocardiogram came back with a low reading. Therefore, they will not be able to put me back on Herceptin ever. There would be a chance of bad practices by my doctor. My x-ray of my hip showed osteo-arthritis, which they can't really do anything about except hip replacement.
Here is an excerpt from the book "Crazy, Sexy, Cancer Tips''. {"The term remission can be confusing. We all want to use it. We beg, and make promises to the higher-ups for the privelege to include it in our self-describing vocabulary. But sometimes is just doesn't apply - or it isn't the winner take all lottery we imagined it to be, especially since cancer treatments can often leave us with neurological disorders, chronic fatigue, sexual impairment, premature menopause, low self esteem, and the traumatizing anxiety of relapse."} SHEESH
So, that is my first reaction. Having had a few hours to think over things, I am going to be relieved that I don't have my weekly treatment appointment. I am hoping that with time, I can lose some of the weight I have gained. I feel like someone thrown overboard without a life preserver. I should be, and am thankful, but please keep me in your prayers. I have to concentrate and rethink where I am at now. One thing I know for sure, one year ago, I though I would never see today. Here I am writing this letter, so blessed because of you all. I can only remember writing all of those letters at 2 a.m. with my hair falling out. We have come a long way. I guess the end of the tunnel isn't as bright and sure as I thought it would be, but it is certainly something to strive for.
There will be some papers to fill out for my disability and such as now I only have my heart and bone doctor. Dr. Diaz is not in the loop anymore. All I keep wondering is how do the elderly cope with all of this. It is truly overwhelming.
So, tonight you get me crazed and down, but I will rally and make sense of things soon. Love me.