Barb's Journey

Well this you will never believe

What is 6'4'', 70 years old, stupid and doesn't listen to his wife? Yeah, that's right ...my idiot husband. John fell off the ladder while trying to frame out the carport, hit his head and then as the boards and tools fell on him, one of the boards hit his leg and broke it in two places.....right below the knee. He is in the hospital tonight and they are going to try to schedule surgery for tomorrow. So, I guess I will have to go find my potty chair, walker and other assorted assistants. The poor guy is in such pain, they had him on morphine that wasn't doing any good. I remember exactly what he is going through. Each time they had to move him from one bed to the other it kills him. They must have slid him around about 10 times during x-ray. He feels so badly to put Josh and I through one more thing. Of course, it could've been so much worse. He still has his sense of humor and told every old joke he has ever told for the last 30 years. One of the nurses is a former student. Thank God she loved him.

 

As you can see by the time, I am awake right now, but will go back to bed. I am surrounded by dogs, so don't worry about me, they take care of me. I will take good care of John as he has done for me over these many years. So, just change your prayers to the family now. Of course, Josh was the diligent son. He dies a little each time one of these calls comes. Love me

Let's try that again!

Last time I wrote to you I was in such shock because Dr.Diaz had taken me off Herceptin permanently  and had nothing else to treat me with. He also did not want to sign my disability papers, as I have so many contributing factors, he wanted a signature from my main doctor. Just the thought of having to go through all of that again sent me reeling. Well, I got it all taken care of today and NOW I can finally accept the remission status. Now, I can concentrate on John, Josh, Dina and I. I can see my friends and plan to spend the time the way that is important. I can make memories for myself and have some plan in how I spend my days.

I am relieved and thankful that I am not a cancer statistic, but rather a person with a life and a legacy. Now I can be in charge of that. Again, I thank you as I know that without your prayers, visits, meals, and all, I would not have gotten this far. I am going to have a date night with John tonight and just talk. I know it seems like that would be all we were be doing, but we manage to bypass the big "C" at all costs. Tonight, we will talk about it and plan on how we will spend our days. I feel 500 lbs lighter. So, thank you for your prayers, don't give up on me. Love Barb

Well Team Peeps, where is the trophy?

Okay, I have been waiting to write you as I knew that this doctor appointment would be somewhat important. To remind you, I went to a regular x-ray and took a picture of my hip and they said it is osteo-arthritis (which I never had before). Then I had my PET scan, which came back clean. I had an echocardiogram for this last appointment with Dr. Diaz. It shows my heart isn't functioning well.  I had also had one last appointment with Dr. Trimble, my pain doctor from my broken back. So here goes.

I am officially in remission. There is nothing else that can be done for my treatment as my echocardiogram came back with a low reading. Therefore, they will not be able to put me back on Herceptin ever. There would be a chance of bad practices by my doctor.  My x-ray of my hip showed osteo-arthritis, which they can't really do anything about except hip replacement.

Here is an excerpt from the book "Crazy, Sexy, Cancer Tips''.  {"The term remission can be confusing. We all want to use it. We beg, and make promises to the higher-ups for the privelege to include it in our self-describing vocabulary. But sometimes is just doesn't apply - or it isn't the winner take all lottery we imagined it to be, especially since cancer treatments can often leave us with neurological disorders, chronic fatigue, sexual impairment, premature menopause, low self esteem, and the traumatizing anxiety of relapse."} SHEESH

So, that is my first reaction. Having had a few hours to think over things, I am going to be relieved that I don't have my weekly treatment appointment. I am hoping that with time, I can lose some of the weight I have gained. I feel like someone thrown overboard without a life preserver. I should be, and am thankful, but please keep me in your prayers. I have to concentrate and rethink where I am at now. One thing I know for sure, one year ago, I though I would never see today. Here I am writing this letter, so blessed because of you all. I can only remember writing all of those letters at 2 a.m. with my hair falling out. We have come a long way. I guess the end of the tunnel isn't as bright and sure as I thought it would be, but it is certainly something to strive for.

There will be some papers to fill out for my disability and such as now I only have my heart and bone doctor. Dr. Diaz is not in the loop anymore. All I keep wondering is how do the elderly cope with all of this. It is truly overwhelming.

So, tonight you get me crazed and down, but I will rally and make sense of things soon. Love me.